Dive Into The Heart

The streets sparkle like silver
now that the rain has changed into snow
I could see a dazzling future the color of a dream
that Christmas Day

I looked at you and smiled
on that holy night,
yet your tears overflowed
"I'll love you forever..." So why?

Now the dancing snow is starting to disappear
I look up at the distant sky
Someone new is waiting for me,
but I still harbor those feelings that I can't shake

We used to laugh together back then;
we weren't afraid of anything

But I hurt your gentle spirit
that Christmas Day
Now I'm wandering aimlessly,
searching for those hopes and dreams

The sky I gaze up at
is too big for me to grasp
even if I were able to reach it So Why?

Now the dancing snow is starting to disappear
I'll take the unwavering feelings of that time
and go forth into a new tomorrow,
because we can't go back to that story

As I keep on walking, I can't help but wonder
as the snowflakes melt in my outstretched hand
if maybe someday we'll meet again
and finally be able to tell each other how we really feel

Melina Eng, Lyna or Mel for short.
I breathed my first on 29th July 1993.
Some know me as Little Miss Random,
or the lil emo kid IMMA HAPPY GIRL RIGHT NOW!
Currently studying my forth year in CHIJ Secondary (Toa Payoh)

So here's my life, in bold, italics, and underline.

and she loves photography;
and she loves reading;
and she loves shopping;
and she loves exercising;
and she loves fishing;
and she loves doing her nails;
and she loves hanging out with her friends and family;
and she loves her friends and family;
but most of all, she loves God 'cause He is her mighty saviour :D

Free Web Counters

There are more to come, but almost all of them can be bought from Forever21 online.
If you get any of these for me anytime soon(cause some of them are final sales), I'll love you even more!

▪ Camera (Any suggestions?)
▪ New Phone(iphone 4)
▪ Headphones!(my earpieces are seriously dying)
▪ Belted Shoulder Bag
▪ Watch
▪ Belts of varying thickness
▪ Black and green jacket/hoodie pullover
▪ Painter's Skinny Jeans
▪ Gently Faded Skinny Jeans
▪ Creased and Frayed Skinny jeans
▪ Decorative Fishnets
▪ Heels
▪ Flats

▪ Put GOD first in my life
▪ Be the salt and the light of the world
▪ Do QT daily
▪ Play the keyboard better
▪ Learn how to play the awesomely rocking Bass and the totally slammin' drums
▪ Run every weekday and GET THOSE SKINNY LEGS ASAP
▪ Attend prayer meetings
▪ Meet my (RL)fandoms!

Expanding my army.

crunchyroll ♦ shattered-wings
deviantart ♦ twilight-reflection
facebook ♦ ribbonized
lastfm ♦ twoanyone
livejournal ♦ loveproof_not
twitter ♦ _MMHN
plurk ♦ ribbonized

Labels: banger's overload., just another random update, just my cup of not so awesome day, unsatisfied

No pictures or the usual music, mood, location this time, cause I swore to myself that I would sleep after reading that 20 chapter fic. Gosh it was long, but it was good. Kept me up for hours! Sigh, the things that flew through my mind were rather depressing, so to say. Even with all the fluff going on in the fic.

I am...a coward.

There, I said it. I ran away from things, I refuse to accept reality. Being in denial, living in my own made up fantasy world, my only nirvana. It seems so much happier that way, so much safer from all the troubles of the world. Thing is, one must learn how to step down from cloud nine and garner up all the courage one has and face reality.

It thundered, just now. Not only did it echo through the whole house, it made everything shake. The ground was shaking so hard as if a major tremour just hit it due to the aftermath of some earthquake at some place in some part of the world. Maybe I'm exaggerating but you get the idea. A wave of fear overwhelmed me. It was going to rain, but it didn't. Thank goodness for that.

Like any other similar situations, I'll avoid it, I'll not look up over there anymore, I'll not make it my daily routine to go there anymore when I know so well that it will only bring me hurt. It may not be raining outside, but it's raining inside. I wished it would stop raining for I thought I would be over it by now, but no. Obviously I'm not when it comes running straight to me everyday.

I wanted my eyes to be blinded by sunlight, not fatigued from the many tears I have shed. I wanted to say or rather, shout these words.

"You're the worst mistake I've ever made. I want to give up on you, once and for all."

It sounds harsh, doesn't it? That's why I won't say it cause it is too unlike me to say something like that. I'm not known for saying such words and I don't want to. Why is it that when I do something downright unlike me, when it is really just part of another facet, they are appalled by it and in some cases, it damages the friendship?

The only thing I can do is to harangue myself for all the mistakes that I've made, but honestly speaking I am flabbergasted by the reaction given. We used to laugh together, we weren't afraid of anything. Now even speaking much less a whisper between us is like a taboo of some sort.

I can't accept the fact that it's over, but it is.

One more thing,

Happy Sweet 16th, Huilin.

I shall end here, cause raking up the past is depressing. There's no one to cry to, there never was.

Cheers.

Labels: crapped up yo., depressed., emo, just my cup of not so awesome day, Masquerade.

Good news yall! :D
Yes, yes, I'm allowed to use the computer!
Well, It's for a good cause! ART. ^^'

Yes, 20 days from now which is the 10th of October, I'll be sitting in the cold hall, freezing my butt off as I do my last and final paper for the year. The drawing and painting art paper. Trying to trap as much air with my thick white jacet to prevent heat loss, and also from drops of acrylic paint. Once acrylic paint gets on to it, sayonara.

With my hand gripping the brush ever so tightly, I struggle to get the perfect colour and tone, comparing it with the one I painted in my prepatory work. Constantly checking the time to be sure that everything is going to turn out alright. I swept my hair off my face, hoping that no paint has gotten on it yet. Silence filled the room, to the point that I was suffocating in it. I loosened the grip on my brush, letting the smooth blue wood slide to a comfortable height, and continued with my work. If a pencil or brush were to roll off the table, on to the floor, it's sound would echo through out the whole hall. Distracting everyone from their work, especially me.





Okay, okay. Now I'm just scaring myself.
Well, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. Making sure that I have the basic neccessities to keep myself awake:
-a packet of cold milo
-four tubes of gummy sweets
-a bottle of water

Yes, the sweets and the packet of milo costs me $2.30. D:
Must, must, MUST revise geography today and at least, AT LEAST finish one chapter.
Memorise and understand. That's what I'm going, no, wait. Let me correct that.
That is what I MUST do.

Well, I had tuition today for both chemistry and math. I brought the wrong chemistry TYS. So the questions were a lil tougher. As for math, I did only five questions from the revision exercise 1 no. 1. XD

Then I rushed down to Toa Payoh for worship pract, though I made a slight detour to Popular to get acrylic paint. Unfotunately, all the people who took art bought the type of acrylic paint that I wanted just yesterday. YESTERDAY. D: Plus, the new stock will only be arriving on monday. I'm looking for the one with six big tubes of acrylic paints, the main colours.

So, anyway, I ended up being 30 mins late for worship pract and I felt so bad to make them wait for me. D: Though the pract was alright :/ Su and I just stood there and looked pretty while the were discussing about some technical stuff. Haha, no, we listened okay! Hmm, there's a new song and I'm having trouble rying to remember how does it actually go.

Then after pract, I went to eat a super late lunch with Su, and walked home with the sort of heavy purple crumpler, textbooks and a plastic bag containg water colours that costs 14 over dollars. D: I left Popular with that in my hands. I'm thinking of buying the acrylic paint from school, since it is cheaper than Popular.

Oh oh, the highlight of the DAY!!!
I actually went shopping! :O
With my father and sister to look for a bag for my mother's anniversary present.
We bought it from Charles and Keith in less than 15 minutes and went shopping for our own stuff immediately after that. We went to the factory something something and other random shops. My sis bought some stuff, and I found Su's birthday present! :D HURRAY FOR MEL!

I shall not reveal what it is as you know, this being the web and all. EVERYONE INCLUDING SU have a chance of seeing it. XD All I can tell you is that it is totally awesome. Even I wanted to get one for myself! HAHAH. XD

Pfft. I regret not buying that beige belt I saw. It would look great with anything denim. Oh and I couldn't help staring at this accessory at some shop. It was $9. I had plans for it but was too afraid to buy. D: I also saw this black glossy belt, though when it is bent, you can actually tell where it is. There was another yellow belt, but all three were not in perfect condition.

Hmm, the stores were closing and there wasn't any art friend in sight. Art friend can only be found at taka and some place near bugis. :) Chatted with Abby the whole time. HAHAH.

Yes, mugging session with her and some other peeps! :D

okay, okay. I did some mind mapping for art today :D




My phone vibrated not too long ago, and music from the piano keys came from it. The song took hold of my body, and calmed every nerve in it. As I took hold of my phone, I saw the name and immediately rejected it. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that particular name. Why is that so? Am I afraid? do I still have some feelings
that are somehow forgotten but was awaken by that call?
Have I offended anyone in anyway? Am I annoying? Tell me. Be honest. Tell me striaght. When I saw it, it felt as if a dagger just went through my heart and it's bbleeding profusly. Why do I feel that we're drifting further and further away from each other? As if this title of 'bff' doesn't seem to exist between us at all. It is as though we are strangers. I long for the time when we were so close that if you found one, you would find the other. An invisble barrier have seemed to be built between us, and it is pushing both of us further and further away. I hope that this barrier wouldn't push us so far away that you look like a spec of dust from where I'm standing. *sigh* what's going on?

Labels: just my cup of not so awesome day