Dive Into The Heart

The streets sparkle like silver
now that the rain has changed into snow
I could see a dazzling future the color of a dream
that Christmas Day

I looked at you and smiled
on that holy night,
yet your tears overflowed
"I'll love you forever..." So why?

Now the dancing snow is starting to disappear
I look up at the distant sky
Someone new is waiting for me,
but I still harbor those feelings that I can't shake

We used to laugh together back then;
we weren't afraid of anything

But I hurt your gentle spirit
that Christmas Day
Now I'm wandering aimlessly,
searching for those hopes and dreams

The sky I gaze up at
is too big for me to grasp
even if I were able to reach it So Why?

Now the dancing snow is starting to disappear
I'll take the unwavering feelings of that time
and go forth into a new tomorrow,
because we can't go back to that story

As I keep on walking, I can't help but wonder
as the snowflakes melt in my outstretched hand
if maybe someday we'll meet again
and finally be able to tell each other how we really feel

Melina Eng, Lyna or Mel for short.
I breathed my first on 29th July 1993.
Some know me as Little Miss Random,
or the lil emo kid IMMA HAPPY GIRL RIGHT NOW!
Currently studying my forth year in CHIJ Secondary (Toa Payoh)

So here's my life, in bold, italics, and underline.

and she loves photography;
and she loves reading;
and she loves shopping;
and she loves exercising;
and she loves fishing;
and she loves doing her nails;
and she loves hanging out with her friends and family;
and she loves her friends and family;
but most of all, she loves God 'cause He is her mighty saviour :D

Free Web Counters

There are more to come, but almost all of them can be bought from Forever21 online.
If you get any of these for me anytime soon(cause some of them are final sales), I'll love you even more!

▪ Camera (Any suggestions?)
▪ New Phone(iphone 4)
▪ Headphones!(my earpieces are seriously dying)
▪ Belted Shoulder Bag
▪ Watch
▪ Belts of varying thickness
▪ Black and green jacket/hoodie pullover
▪ Painter's Skinny Jeans
▪ Gently Faded Skinny Jeans
▪ Creased and Frayed Skinny jeans
▪ Decorative Fishnets
▪ Heels
▪ Flats

▪ Put GOD first in my life
▪ Be the salt and the light of the world
▪ Do QT daily
▪ Play the keyboard better
▪ Learn how to play the awesomely rocking Bass and the totally slammin' drums
▪ Run every weekday and GET THOSE SKINNY LEGS ASAP
▪ Attend prayer meetings
▪ Meet my (RL)fandoms!

Expanding my army.

crunchyroll ♦ shattered-wings
deviantart ♦ twilight-reflection
facebook ♦ ribbonized
lastfm ♦ twoanyone
livejournal ♦ loveproof_not
twitter ♦ _MMHN
plurk ♦ ribbonized

rah. i'm so pissed right now. seriously, i know that this is wrong. honouring my parents. bah. it's just so hard. i just..i can't.. argh. damn it. i mean what did i do wrong? why must you fuss over every little thing? i'm still a teen. i have my life. don't steal mine and don't, and i really mean DON'T shatter my dreams. if you do, that's it man.

first it started with me using the com too long. fine, that indeed was my fault. SORRY ALRIGHT? then it was the fork and spoon, i mean. i was spacing out that time, so it was only natural that i agree to what you said. but no, you just had to flare up. then i accidentally dropped a piece of fish as i was trying to take out the hair. and she scolded me again. what are the chances of it being my hair? how is it possible that my hair was able to fly to a rando piece of fish that was rather far from me? plus, that was a thin stran of hair, mine is thick damn you.

(i know. chillax melina, but not now. not until i've said enough)

then after that she scolded me for leaving the com on. that was my fault, but the computer was loading something! HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THAT IT WOULD TAKE SO LONG TO INSTALL THOSE STUFF?! BLAM THE COM, NOT ME. i was afraid that i if i offed it, something bad might happen. with me not having my good days, this kind of stuff were bond to happen. july, my birthday month, but somehow i dilike it just a tad bit.

then it was was innies. i was told to eat damn you. you asked me to do so, and now you're blaming it on me?!? argh. so, i have bad memory, ALRIGHT? I SUCK ALRIGHT? ONE DAY I'LL JUST DIE, AND I BET YOU WOULD BE GLAD THAT I DID. YOU PERSON WITH NO EMPATHY.

you prepared the meals. it was only right that i washed, so i did. you gave me extra money and stuff, i'm grateful for that despite having to worry about the money problem. you raised me up. BUT YOU TREATED ME AS AN 'EXPERIMENT' BABY, AND YOU MADE ME LIVE THIS KIND OF LIFE. COMPARING ME TO MY SIBLINGS. I KNOW I'M STUPID, YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB IT IN, ALRIGHT? I HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR WHATEVER CRAP.

i know you are worried about your brother and all, but do you mind? i have feelings too. i'm not a pillow that you could just punch and kick and as if nothing ever happened. i can feel. i'm extremely sensitive to words, mind you. AND I AM YOUR DAUGHTER , MIND YOU.
YET, YOU KNOW NOTHING MUCH ABOUT MY LIFE. I TRY TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT, YET YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN AS YOU ARE TOO ANGRY, OR WHEN YOU WEREN'T I FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT.

i have been rather rude, but what do you expect from a 15 year old? your time and my time is way different. it IS NOT THE SAME. CHECK UP THE DICTIONARY FOR THE DEFINITION OF 'SAME' 'IDENTICAL' OR WHATEVER. you would expect a mature girl who listens to whatever you say. speak plitely and not ding zui.
aye, but I AM ME. I AM LIKE THAT. deal with it.

i can change, if you give me time, but you are not. and i'm sick of it. you tore down my motivation. called me awful names that left scars on my heart. made me cry. scolded and beated me in public. shouted at me in public.

do you know how terrible i felt? do you know how much i had to go through? do you know that i had 9 bfs? do you know what it was like having to go through such a life in such a time? do you?

i know that being a mother is hard. i can tell. i know that i'm not able to experience it first hand now. but i time i will. but for now, just let me be this daughter of yours and stop doing things that will permenantly scar me for life. you have done enough damage. so stop.

i dislike you for doing such things. i really do. but i love you too. but only when you are happy.
you can get really annoying crappy fcuked up sometimes. i can tell that daddy is unhappy about it too. but he can do nothing. you go daddy. you are awesome man.

Dear lord,
help me to really understand what my mother is going through and that i'll be more sensible in time to come. i have done many wrong things in bothe of your eyes. and i really hope that you would forgive me. i just pray that everything will be alright now. that it will be going uphill..that the path will be straight. guide me oh Lord. i lift all my burdens, all my stress, all my worries, everything oh Lord into your hands.
AMEN.

Labels: depressed., emo, rant