Dive Into The Heart

The streets sparkle like silver
now that the rain has changed into snow
I could see a dazzling future the color of a dream
that Christmas Day

I looked at you and smiled
on that holy night,
yet your tears overflowed
"I'll love you forever..." So why?

Now the dancing snow is starting to disappear
I look up at the distant sky
Someone new is waiting for me,
but I still harbor those feelings that I can't shake

We used to laugh together back then;
we weren't afraid of anything

But I hurt your gentle spirit
that Christmas Day
Now I'm wandering aimlessly,
searching for those hopes and dreams

The sky I gaze up at
is too big for me to grasp
even if I were able to reach it So Why?

Now the dancing snow is starting to disappear
I'll take the unwavering feelings of that time
and go forth into a new tomorrow,
because we can't go back to that story

As I keep on walking, I can't help but wonder
as the snowflakes melt in my outstretched hand
if maybe someday we'll meet again
and finally be able to tell each other how we really feel

Melina Eng, Lyna or Mel for short.
I breathed my first on 29th July 1993.
Some know me as Little Miss Random,
or the lil emo kid IMMA HAPPY GIRL RIGHT NOW!
Currently studying my forth year in CHIJ Secondary (Toa Payoh)

So here's my life, in bold, italics, and underline.

and she loves photography;
and she loves reading;
and she loves shopping;
and she loves exercising;
and she loves fishing;
and she loves doing her nails;
and she loves hanging out with her friends and family;
and she loves her friends and family;
but most of all, she loves God 'cause He is her mighty saviour :D

Free Web Counters

There are more to come, but almost all of them can be bought from Forever21 online.
If you get any of these for me anytime soon(cause some of them are final sales), I'll love you even more!

▪ Camera (Any suggestions?)
▪ New Phone(iphone 4)
▪ Headphones!(my earpieces are seriously dying)
▪ Belted Shoulder Bag
▪ Watch
▪ Belts of varying thickness
▪ Black and green jacket/hoodie pullover
▪ Painter's Skinny Jeans
▪ Gently Faded Skinny Jeans
▪ Creased and Frayed Skinny jeans
▪ Decorative Fishnets
▪ Heels
▪ Flats

▪ Put GOD first in my life
▪ Be the salt and the light of the world
▪ Do QT daily
▪ Play the keyboard better
▪ Learn how to play the awesomely rocking Bass and the totally slammin' drums
▪ Run every weekday and GET THOSE SKINNY LEGS ASAP
▪ Attend prayer meetings
▪ Meet my (RL)fandoms!

Expanding my army.

crunchyroll ♦ shattered-wings
deviantart ♦ twilight-reflection
facebook ♦ ribbonized
lastfm ♦ twoanyone
livejournal ♦ loveproof_not
twitter ♦ _MMHN
plurk ♦ ribbonized

♥Listening to: Tonight, TVXQ
♥Location: that same old room
♥Mood: sick

-Today was Racial Harmony and the whole class was wearing saris/punjabi suits. Val Koh was the only one wearing the Qi Pao top though.

-Kept 'tripping' over the Sari, so I changed out to the punjabi suit instead. Recess was spent in class, eating the soyjoy fruit soy bar that appa bought yesterday.

-Lotte-chan was tired, so I lent her my shoulder to sleep. She kept sliding off, so I had to stay real still, hoping that my little movements won't wake her up. Gwen, Cheryl and Tiffany were cmawhoring with/near us. Cheryl took a photo of Tiffany and I, with Lotte-chan still sound asleep my shoulder.

She mumbled something and I said, "Daijoubu ka?". A little while later, she woke up, but she lay on my lap later. The rest tried to sneak a photo, but she got up just in time. Sorta like the part when Jin suddenly woke up when they started the filming in the White Christmast PV making.

She was having a dream about Jin. HAHA. Looks like she was really tired. If it was me, I doubt I would dream in such a short period of time.

-We are not Akame-ing, neither are we LPs. We are just good friends, and I'm the one who care a lot about my friends. (: But, we said nothing about not liking Akame! :D

-English was spent settling some money problem and PoA was free period, which we spent packing up/ changing out.

The sub teacher was annoying.

-Went to Bishan with Lotte-chan, Michelle, Cheryl and Huiying. Huiying wanted to get a new game for her DS, so we followed her.

-While the rest went off to settle their businesses, Lotte-chan, Michelle and myself went to Mos to have lunch. They did, I just chatted with them. Borrowed Lotte-chan's shoulder to rest/ For some reason, I'm feeling real tired today. Plus, my right leg was hurting real bad.

-We said our goodbyes to Lotte-chan, while Michelle and I MRT-ed and bus-ed home together. Said my goodbye to Michelle, ending off with a hug. Told ya I'm a natural born hugger! Bus-ed home the remaining journey myself, stopping at the Market to get something. Walked back home after 186 left without me.

-Took my temperature after feeling chotto too warm to be normal. Turns out that I have a fever of (the mosrt recent temperature) 38.2. Subaraishi ne? That explains the body aches and me feeling oh-so-tired.

-Going to do Geog for an hour, then proceed to Art. :D Going to sleep by 1030, I hope.

Cheers love. Hiatus still going on, but I'll post as long as I get to use the com for school related stuff. (:

Labels: it's time to pray, update

I know, I just updated, but I want to do it again. I like recording every single important thoughts or things here. Despite the fact that it is very open here and just about anyone who has acess to the internet can read this, but heck. This is my blog and it will stay that way until it gets hacked. Then I'll create another one if that ever happens. the cycle goes on...

I just went to Ming's blog and saw something regarding worship this Sunday, and how she is the drummer for that service. I was -sad to say- glad that I wasn't the keyboardist for this Sunday. I mean, I am not GLAD because I don't like serving, and thus finding that 'me' and 'playing the keyboard' equals to a waste of time. I am GLAD because, yes I'm not serving for that service, because I have been discouraged by how I had played for the previous service.

Just yesterday I was practicing the Doxology, trying to get it right, only to remember that I have yet to receive a message saying that I'll be serving this Sunday. I was, relieved. I am afraid, yes, that is one thing that I cannot deny. I just feel that making mistakes would distract the others and also that I wouldn't be able to set the mood right.

I felt so depressed when I received the same cheery message from Suzanne-not that I don't like her, or dislike receiving cheery messages- saying that I had been chosen to serve this Sunday few weeks back. I knew what I played up there wasn't my best. I wanted to give my best to God, honestly and truly, I really do. But, my heart wasn't right. Hui Qi then shared with me what Leonard said to her once. About who were the ones judging us. the congre weren't the ones, it was God.

That encouraged me and gave me a confidence booster, so, I thank yall. And it was just before she left. Aww, how sweet of her. :D Hearts, hearts and MORE HEARTS FOR YOU!

Anyhoo, brain jammed. My flow of thoughts were disrupted by some other random thought. Oh well. This shall end here and now.

You know you love me, XOXO, Lyna.

-----------edit, 1254---------

Something prompted me to open the prayer mail from Kendra. To tell you the truth, I hardly open them, not because I don't like to, but because I seem to open them late. She just sent it in 3 minutes ago(it's 1255). I saw the title and was somehow drawn to it. After the huge mass of email contacts, I saw this verse and what she thought about it.

Labels: it's time to pray

Last night, I practiced the songs till 1230 am. I wanted to be prepared for it, since I had to start off the two Chinese songs. I then dragged(literally) myself up to the bed and within minutes, I knocked out. Then I woke up, thinking that there were still hours left till my alarm rang. I checked my handphone(Thank God that it still had about half a bar) and was irritated by the fact that my alarm would go off in a minute.

Although the alarm tone is Mirotic, My oh-so-favourite song, it still bugs me whenever I have to wake up THAT early in the morning. This has been, so far, the most tiring weekend ever. The pink numbers were screaming at me. 730am, it's time to wake up get ready and practice the songs til 945 later that morning.

My muscles were still aching from yesterday's amazing race during CG. Every step I took, I felt like running back to my bed and just lie there. The pain is much better now, although playing the keyboard made it slightly worst.

The Chinese songs were my first piority as I seriously had to get them right. Followed by the first song, then the second. Finally the Doxology. After playing a decent Doxology, I felt rather proud of myself but soon, that smile was wiped away the moment I though of how it was going to be like later.

Skipped prayer meeting. ):

When the class started, I then realised how much I missed when I was away. they actually covered the whole of James and were re-capping chapter five, the last chapter today. Jasmine talked about many things. Things that were unfamiliar and things that had my guilt conscience up and ready to go. We touched a little on swearing, on why we shouldn't swear. Sin leads to death eventually. Now, that's no shocker.

Next was service. Su was being a dear and prayed for me. Taking this time to reflect, I remember someone saying that serving is another way to get closer to God. But, what if, you just concentrate TOO much on getting it right? What if you HAD the right heart in the beginning of worship but changed and focused on playing instead?

I mean, it isn't wrong in wanting to give your best to God right? I was trying to hard to play 6 decent songs for Him, yet I found out one thing. The harder I try, the more I focus on playing, the worst I become. It's a fact. Just listen out to my playing and compare it to when I first started. I was filled with so much passion to serve God, whenever, where ever.

Yes, though I am still filled with the passion to serve God, I realised that focusing too much is not good, neither is focusing less. We need to balance it out and then we can serve God. In my point of view that is. Not only that, ever since I've stopped doing my daily QT from the exam period, I have this weird emptiness in me. The same exact one that I felt when I was sick on a Sunday and did not go to church. God is the one who lights my path and shows me the way. But, now I feel like a lost sheep. Standing at cross roads having no clue whatsoever of which path I should take.

Weird. Have I gotten so used to this feeling that I won't feel extremely confuse, break down and cry? That was the first time when I actually left God, and yes. I had mentioned it countless times here. *sigh* I really want to serve God, but I want to serve God with my full potential. I know that there are many, MANY people in this church who are way better than me at playing keyboard.

Hui Qi is that one person. Sure, she lacks confidence, but I do too. She would be an extremely good keyboardist if she is able to have more confidence. She took piano lessons and is much more experience in the chords and etc.

-rah.hungry-

I feel real bad that I'm unable to play as well as the others, making tonnes more mistakes than ever each time I step up to play, and I feel very discouraged by it. I see myself getting from better to worst each time I'm on stage and Shaun has to keep helping me time and again. Today's worship was by far, the worst one. For me that it. There were emptiness, and when the band counted on me to fill it up, I my fingers just stunned and my heart started to beat rapidly.

The many pauses and mistakes really made me wonder how I actually came this far. Yes, I know it is by God, that he has bestowed me with such a gift, a gift of playing the keyboard. Yet if one receives a gift and doesn't put it into use, what good is it? *sighs* I really am very depressed by my performance today. Though I could worship Him during the easier songs, like Great awakening.

There's going to be a great awakening
There's going to be a great revival in our land~

Doxology was the, fine.I wouldn't say the worst but it wasn't good. I could tell. I actually missed the first few chords as I needed some time to flip to the page which had the chords. Then Shaun started off first, thinking that I wasn't playing the doxology. I am suppose to have memorized it by now. Gosh, I feel like a failure.

And no, I really feel that I don't deserve your time that is taken out to encourage me, as I'm complacent. But, if I' not encouraged, I'll feel this urge to just give up. *sighs* Singing Christian songs always made it better. :)

Joooooooooooy
I've got the joy in my heart
peeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
I've got the peace in my heart

Speaking of that, I remember singing Christian songs in my head the whole time. When I'm happy, depressed, worried, nervous, terrified... a song would always pop up and calm me down :) Maybe I should try that again...

Labels: it's time to pray

Honestly speaking, I couldn't really worship the Lord today.
All the excitement seems to be affecting me, yet, it doesn't. I'm officially Holiday deprived. I'm unable to go out unless it's with my church friends. My computer found the right time to break down.

I'm just glad hat I have my PS2 and my books. :D GOW 2 totally rocks. Come on, I know what yall are thinking. How can such an innocent looking girl have such a mad love for all things gory? Well, just so you know, I'm highly influenced.

...BACK TO WORSHIP...

During praise and worship, many things kept running through my mind. All those questions just kept popping up, to the point that I'd actually build an invisible barrier around me. To shut out all that may distract me from my trail of thought. I had not been reflecting much lately, with all the exam stress. QT seemed like another lost piece of the puzzle to heaven that I'm trying so hard to complete. my bible was no where to be found, so I just left home with a bible-less bag.

For once, it felt light. It's like us Christians. I mean, it s indeed not easy to be one. With the ten commandments as our guide/rule book in life. Breaking one would mean breaking all. The cross may sometimes be too heavy for us to carry, to finish this race. We would often find ways to make the load lighter. I remember during one of the sermons there was this video that really touched me.

A video of this little stick person, dragging the heavy cross that was on his shoulders. Winter passed, so did spring, summer and autumn. He was exhausted, so he decided to cut a little piece of the cross away. Soon, this became a habit. Then it came to point of time where there was this cliff. The gap between this stick person and the other side was almost the length of the cross. The other stick people had no difficulty in crossing cliff.

However, that little stick man found out that his cross although may be light, but it was short. So he just stood there and wept. Just then, a hand came down, the hand of God. He gave the stick man a new cross, so that He was able to cross the cliff and continue his journey.

Our God is an awesome God.


*sigh*
I felt really disconnected with not only God, but with everyone else.
PRAY. That's what I'll do.Pray. Trust in God.Don't ever doubt Him...

Labels: it's time to pray

guys, pray for me. seriously.
my com can't detect my printer which means i can print out my friend's english homework, and SHE CAN'T OPEN MY ENGLISH PROJECT PROPERLY.

as in, she can open it. but first, it was in some alien language. then i told her to change the font, and sudddenly, the 3 to 4 page of info became a whooping 112 pages of something.

and the project is due tomorrow.

*breathes in and out*

phew. i tried sending via email. cannot. i tried on msn, also cannot. then i tried power point, also cannot.

how.

and now i'm thinking of putting it up here, so that she can refer to it. how?

Labels: it's time to pray