Yay :D
[ 10:13 PM ]
I finally went for CG :DCG stands for Cell Group, but the leaders somehow renamed it, and now it's known as Care Group, where we care for each and everyone! Though it's still commonly known as Cell Group. ^^'
We kick start off CG with a mindsweeper game, followed by a laughing contest. The laughing contest was fun, though hui Qi and I couldn't resist laughing after hearing the others laughing. I was practically staring right through her, so if she were to try to do something funny to make me burst into laughter, she would fail miserably. HAHAH. XDAs for the mindsweeper game, it was something like normal mindsweeper. A pillow marked the starting point, and another pillow marked the end of our destination. The leaders had to read out two directions after each set steps. Kenna, being Kenna, was just super adorable. :D When we chose the wrong direction, she went,
"BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!". Just too adorable. XD
If we wanted a hint, the 'chess piece' would have to do two 360 degrees turns, which wasn't that hard. :D
Well, for the first game, there wasn't any particular reason to why they chose it, not that I can remember. As for the laughing contest, there was a reason, but I forgot what it was. Darn it, stm
(SHORT TERM MEMORY)!
Then came the sharing. I could only remember the prayer requests, and how would we want CG to be. We all wanted a place where we could really take off any existing masks that we plaster on when we attend school.
We're constantly being judged by our friends, and first impressions means a lot. We put on masks to help us to fit in or blend in better, no matter how fake it was.
We just wanted to come for this CG, relax and share with our brothers and sisters. About our life, our problems. What ever we shared, all those personal stuff, would be kept within the four walls. However, if we really want to tell someone about it, it would be for a good reason, like praying for that particular person. I mean, it wouldn't be nice to the other person if you just told another person that he/she has blah blah, and they start spreading it around, gossiping and all.
Those cold stares, people watching your every movement, giggling, laughing, snickering, pointing, mean jokes...
It's a
horrible feeling. I've been through it, I know.
It was also a place for us to break down the walls of insecurity that was built over time, to open up slowly. Revealing more about ourselves everynow and then. Especially myself. I remembered when I just came in( I was only primary 6 ), I felt lonely, left out, an out cast.
During the CGs last year, it was very
awkard for me to share so much about myself to people who I hardly knew anything.
I only knew their name and age, and some other random stuff. Not only that, there was a like, format to it. Random, Sharing, talking about last weeks sermon and prayer requests with a prayer said by someone in our group to end off everything.
I'm not saying that last years CG thing wasn't GREAT, although it could have been better. The random games were fun.
Especially when Jacob was around, since he was our CG leader. He would always bring us to the nearby rooftop garden( Which by the way, brings back many camp memories ), and we would do our sharing there. He and his lame jokes. XD
Then he went for NS, and Cindy or Lawrence took over.
Okay, back to what I was saying. ^^'
Then came the prayer requests, which turned out to be another sharing + prayer requests thing. We all shared what we wanted the group to pray about, and the story behind it. we went in a random not so random way, a circle. XD When it was Hui Qi's turn to share, she actually cried. I shall not reveal what was the reason. the story behind it all.
Aftyer her sharing, she nudged me. -.- again, and AGAIN. XD Char was beside me and she was like, heh heh! Nudging~ Then Kenna said that she actually doesn't like nudges, the MSN one. It would irritate her like hell, to the point where she actually closes the conversation. ^^'
Well, yeah. It was my turn to share. I told them to pray for me to keep my temper under control.
May Lin was like, you have a temper? XD Yeah, I do. Everyone does. XDSINCE I'M FEELING OH SO CLAM, I shall share. :D
For the past few months I have been throwing my temper around, being angry with my mom. Over simple little things in which she couldn't get it. Over her usual nagging which I can finally say I'm used to it, and just practically anything. I mean, she just can't seem to get what I'm trying to say, then if i get pissed off trying to explain to her in a nicely, she gets pissed and says, " I dont' get it, I don't care".
She would then stomp up stairs, threatening to throw me down the stairs, kick me out of the house or whack me with a cane. Calling me names like stupid and blind. If you were on the receiving end, wouldn't you flare up? Talk back? Then while I was sharing, I remembered that the cause of this was infact, ME.
Of I hadn't done anything wrong, none of these would have happened. So I prayed and yeah. It seems to work :D
Next was a prayer on me to continue to be motivated to study. for the past erm, few months, sometime after june, I started procrastinating. I just felt that what I was doing wouldn't need that much time, and I just didn't felt like doing it. Only when it was near the deadline did I started working on it.
Although I wasn't giving it my all, which kind of sucks, cause i dislike handing up work not up to my standards.I was wondering why was I even bothering. Then it came to how my mom kept comapring me with my siblings. Mostly my sister. She kept asking why wasn't I like my sister, where she would lock herself in the room the moment she reaches home to revise and all, without being told to do so.
How smart she was, her time management skills, etc. It was just getting so annoying that I decided to prove to my mother that I'm just as good as her. I worked hard, and forgot to take car of myslef, ended up getting a scolding. I continued to work hard, but my mom was never impressed.
When I got As for four out of seven subjects, she asked, why couldn't you get 5 As?When I did well for some test, she would just shrug it off most of the times. She was the one who kept tearing down my motivation. Not even a single encouragement at all. Just, "Why couldn't you be more like your sister?(
academically of course)" I felt this constant pressure on me to score well, despite me being super stressed out, sick and tired, I still had to work hard.
Then she would blame me for not taking care of myself, constantly having late nights, not drinking enough water and all.
It was all for two reasons and two reasons alone. The first was to make my mother proud, to prove to her that I can do it. Secondly was for my future. I plan to go to some JC with an optometris(sp) course, as I find that it is very interesting to work with sight :D
OH YAH! then there was one where we shared if it was hard to talk to people face to face.
I found it rather easy to talk to people face to face. The only problem was, I can't seem to find an interesting topic to talk about, so All my topics are really random. It was just a grab and throw into the coversation kind of thing. XDIf I get to know you better, I would start to open up, and the image of me being quiet would be gone. ^^'
Hmm, yeah. Then we went for dinner, as I didn't want to eat alone at home. That's about it. :) gotta sleep. Celebrating my birthday tomorrow with my family. :D
Although my birthday is on the 29th, I can bet with you that part of my family wouldn't be free on tuesday. So, yeah. :D Gonna be 15 in about three days. XD ( Lao le, lao le... >,< ) Cheers! Hmm, theme colours:
shades of blue, pink/red, shades of purple. :D
Labels: just another update
