it was horrifically scary.
[ 5:01 PM ]
For the past one week or so, I've been spiritually low. I totally got cut off from God. I kept finding
LAME excuses to not do my QT. Then one fine day, I forgot to say grace. I mean, it's not my first time not saying it, but at that point of time, saying grace was all i had time to do.
Well, maybe saying grace might not be such a big thing and all to some people out there, but you know what? It is to me. I gradually forgot to say a prayer before i went to bed each night.
I just a few days ago, i noticed that there was this emptiness in me. Whatever I did all I could to try getting rid or filling up that emptiness, but to no avail. So, I broke down, and started to cry. Praying like I've never prayed before.
for the every first time, I had this God shaped hole that was empty. Empty to the point where I felt lost. As in, it wasn't really lost in the sense that i-lost-my-way kind of lost, but ...you know what I mean. -.-
Whatever I did, it was all wrong. My life was LITERALLY FALLING APART. Homework, projects all not done. Just sitting there like a couch potato, trying to fill that emptiness with that 40+ inch black stupid box known as a television.
It was so wrong. I couldn't take it anymore. Thoughts of suicidal came into my head everyday. I'm not kidding.
I prayed.
I gradually picked up my QT, and started saying grace once again. Even my go-to-bed prayers came back :)
It was really scary to not have God in my life. Then it brought me back to what Jacob said.
IT IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU CAN LIVE WITH GOD IN YOUR LIFE, BUT HOW YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH GOD IN YOUR LIFE. When he said this, I took it as it is. Not really thinking about it and just left it at there. Now I know what it really means, and I'm very glad that God is in my life.
Day to day i have christian songs playing in my head. Whether I'm terrified, happy, excited, anxious, or angry, a song always does the trick.
I would just like to say this to all of you who believe that Jesus Christ is your saviour.
IT IS NOT HOW YOU CAN LIVE WITH GOD IN YOUR LIVE, BUT HOW YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH GOD IN YOUR LIFE. Trust me, you have no idea how terrible it was to not have Him in your life.
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